Louis CK Airplane Horror Story
Please click on the above link to a YouTube video. This is one of our favorite comedians, please excuse the language!
Brian and I had been joking about this particular stand up routine on our way to the airport, and even made his mother and sister listen to it in the car. Our first flight, from SFO to NY went smoothly, and so did the next flight from NY to Helsinki, Finland. When we boarded in Finland however, we had our very own Louis moment.
We had been on the tarmac for about twenty minutes when the captain came on the intercom. He first spoke in Finnish, then would repeat the message in English.
"O-key, Lay-dees and Gentlemen. We are having a discrepancy with the ground crew about how much fuel we need to complete this flight. We thank you for your patience and will take off shortly."
Brian and I spun to look at each other and I had wild eyes. "WHAT??? No discrepancy, just take the bigger amount!!" This seemed like a no-brainer to us, but what do we know? They do this every day, and we just want to live.
Another twenty minutes goes by, and finally we take off. I had never taken an international flight before, but I learned something about language differences. The captain seemed to speak twice as long in Finnish, then the English bit was much shorter. I became convinced that if we were going to die, he'd tell his country folk first, and let the rest of us battle for the oxygen masks.
Landing was really the terrifying part. Our others had been gentle and mostly turbulence free. I quoted a line from "Captain Ron" as we started to descend, "We must be close! We had just enough fuel to get there, and we are out of fuel!!" We shared a laugh until the plane suddenly dropped a few thousand feet, causing passengers to cry out in terror. It happened a second time, and Brian choked out "Is this his FIRST landing???" I had just spotted the Eiffel Tower and the plane careened again, prompting me to say, "NOO!! Now that I've seen it, I'm going to die!"
The plane had two cameras on it, one in the front directly under the pilots' windshield, and one under the plane. The screens on board would switch which camera it broadcasted, which was neat, until the damn landing. We clutched each other's hands and stared at the screens, as the plane lurched again. We could see the runway getting closer and closer as the plane hurled itself with a frightening speed at the concrete and we did another big drop. Women all around us were gasping as our stomachs pitched upwards into our throats. I didn't think planes could bounce, but I swear it happened once the wheels hit the asphalt.
Upon collecting our luggage, two men approached us at the airport doors and some quick French was exchanged. I'm still working on the basic levels, but I completely trust Brian to keep us safe...At least, that was what I kept repeating as we followed a strange man into the bowels of the dark underground parking garage to an unmarked, regular looking car. He was nice enough, except we drove past a car on the freeway that was engulfed in FLAMES and we didn't call emergency services or stop to help the men that were running for their lives away from the smoky wreck.
Some streets in Paris (including the one we live on) are hardly big enough for a single car. We're in the Opera District, which is an older part of the city, and there are actual cobblestone avenues!
The hotel is newer and has quite a modern feel. We have a tiny studio-style place, but it does have a mini kitchen. The refrigerator has a built in wine rack! Ah, Paris!
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